Reclaiming Connection
Case Study: Self
(Gloria Lybecker) Personalized Pro iLs Protocol With great sadness I listed my horse, Shadow, for sale. Silently, I was telling myself it was pretty obvious that after all this time I would never get over my fears, and he would be better off with someone else. Four years earlier I had been bucked off of my beautiful horse, severely injuring my left leg and developing a deep terror of being bucked off again. Taking time to check-in with myself, I noticed I felt tension in my shoulders, heaviness in my belly, and my posture was caved in. Emotionally, I sensed exhaustion, overwhelm, and some depression. Knowing that both my personal life and profession exposes me to high stress, I intentionally began planning my own personalized iLs protocol.
My primary intention was to strengthen my ventral vagal social engagement system. I trusted this would provide a stronger foundation for my Self-Compassionate Witness and allow my Prefrontal Cortex to remain present and available while supporting clients in processing their strong emotional waves and transforming distressed behaviors into life-serving ways of being.
Organization Phase w/Enhanced High Spectrum Music, three sessions: When planning a personalized protocol, it is important to understanding the brain is organized from the bottom up. The iLs Method acknowledges the importance of this organization and emphasizes subcortical processing as the most important means to achieve brain organization. In simple terms, the more neuro-developmental delays in a child, or neural disorganization in an adult, the more the organization phase is called for. During my organizational phase, I chose to listen to meditations and visualizations focusing on family to lift my vibrations and open my heart space. Transition Phase w/Enhanced High Spectrum Music, three sessions: During this phase the music is gradually filtered, using high pass filters, moving from emphasis on subcortical organization to activation of attention, motivation, planning and reasoning. In my transition phase, I had vivid realistic dreams of a storm cloud moving in swiftly and ominously. There were two women with me, one on either side, when suddenly a finger of lightning struck my left leg, which went into spasms releasing previous injury body memories. The cloud opened to reveal hands bringing me gifts: a big playhouse, a covered wagon, and a dark horse. With my inner eye, I saw flashes of complex patterns in the Universe, unfolding into a sense of big awareness - becoming "One" with all. Later that day I noticed, when seeing a big spider crawling across the floor in my direction, I experienced an inner calm. For the first time in my life I had absolutely no fear of spiders! Activation Phase w/Enhanced High Spectrum Music, eight sessions: In this phase, the music is primarily highly filtered music, moving beyond focusing primarily on the subcortical processing of information to the cortical processing systems. During this phase we often see improvements in motivation, memory, multitasking, reasoning, enthusiasm, and tremendous leaps in creativity and creative thinking. Personally I experienced my joints temporarily aching, especially my left leg, during my activation phase. Towards the end of this period I woke with more energy, clarity and focus. I chose to retire earlier in the evening yet needed less sleep, waking earlier in the morning. Break for nine days: Even though, for continuity purposes, iLs generally recommends no breaks, some people will do better by taking a break. Optional planned breaks are built into all programs.
During my nine-day break, I had calls from people interested in seeing my horse. To prepare him for showing, I did ground work with him in the round pen. As I worked with him, I noticed I felt completely confident inside! However, when I put my left foot in the stirrup to mount, a shiver of fear raced through me. Removing my foot from the stirrup, I continued to work him on the ground, honoring the part of me that did not feel safe to get on him and ride. Silently, I offered myself some empathy guesses: "I'm noticing your heart rate sped up, and your breathing became shallow; do you really like it when you have lots and lots of space to simply enjoy being with the one who is your dream horse? To meet him right where he is with no demands or expectations? Is it that you love connecting with his inner rhythm and dancing with him on the ground? Does it meet your needs for beauty, grace, and harmony?"
As I continued to work him from the ground, I noticed my left toe was beginning to hurt, so transitioned to grooming him and completing the session. The next day I was eager to work him on the ground and once more experienced even greater inner confidence this time. When I put my left foot in the stirrup, I paused to check my inner experience and noticed no body sensation of fear! With delight, and a little awe, I mounted and trotted him in the round pen with confidence and a touch of celebration!
I showed Shadow to a young woman looking for a 4-H mount and watched with interest and curiosity as she engaged with him in the round pen. A part of me felt very sad, yet trusting things to unfold as they would, acknowledging just how much I love this big gelding. Integration Phase, three sessions: The frequencies that were removed during the climb in the Transition Phase are now reintroduced. This is a new experience, not simply a repetition of previously heard and processed information. The person, and the person's nervous system, have been changed through the experience of listening in the rarefied atmosphere of filtered music. The way the brain "hears" is not the same as it was before. Gradually reintroducing the low frequencies is a new experience which requires more work on the part of the brain to reintegrate and process these previously familiar frequencies along with the high-frequency content now being processed. During my integration phase I continued waking earlier, feeling more energy and focus, very light and happy inside, more alert and revitalized! I noticed an enhanced ability to maintain more spaciousness within, differentiating my own inner experiences from my sons, as well as my clients' inner experiences, while resonating with them during depth healing sessions.
The day I completed my program, I received another call to show my horse. The person asked whether I could take him from a walk, to a trot, to a canter, so I planned to see whether or not I still could. The next morning as I worked him in the round pen, it was as if I was seeing him with new eyes. When I got on Shadow, I no longer experienced fear or terror! It was completely astonishing, enlivening, and so much fun! We smoothly transitioned from a walk, to a trot, to a canter, and in the moment of transitioning to the canter, something fell into place inside my core, and it felt like coming home inside of myself. I was "One" with my horse again! With a deep sense of freedom and connection I was living in deep alignment with my heart's passion and joy, in tune with my beloved Shadow. Pure joy radiated throughout my being as I dismounted, and hugging Shadow's neck I told him with tears of joy, "I don't have to sell you!"
