Listening Within

Stepping into the corral, my eyes took in Shadow, my nine-year- old Thoroughbred/Paint gelding, noting he held his head high and alert as he witnessed my entry. This was my first time to catch up my gelding since he had reared unexpectedly dislocating my right shoulder two and a half months ago. My Ferrier stood ready at the gate, watchful for any signal I might need support putting on Shadow's halter. As I approached him, I remained mindful to notice any sensations unfolding in my body. I felt a tingling in my right arm as I drew close, yet my breathing remained steady and calm as I stroked his shoulder and moved to pull the halter up over his nose. Shadow helped me by putting his nose through the loop. Reaching over his head, I drew the halter strap over his neck and tied it securely. Immediately I felt a sense of elation bloom in my chest, acknowledging to myself the healing in my shoulder as it remained flexible while I worked at my edges of tolerance. Nodding for Jeff, my Ferrier, to enter I felt a twinge in my gut as I felt Shadow's body tightened. "Easy, boy," Jeff murmured, touching Shadow's shoulder to re-connect before beginning to trim his feet. Settling into the rhythm and familiarity of Shadow being trimmed, I felt a sense of peacefulness and gratitude being present in this moment, hanging out with my horse. Suddenly Shadow arched his neck and swung his hind-quarters wide. Instantaneously, my gut tightened, and it was as if there a noisy clamoring in my head! My arms and legs began to quiver, and all of my senses went on alert. Noticing Tiger, my cat, scurrying down the fence line of the corral, I heard my Compassionate Witness exclaim, "How fascinating! When Shadow alerted, your heart rate began climbing. You're holding your breath and quivering from head to toe! Remember, Gloria, to breathe, anchor, and release - acknowledge your inner experience to Shadow." Listening within, a part of my-self responded with relief and gratitude, "Oh, right!" remembering how to come back into congruence. By breathing in oxygen deeply through my nose, briefly closing my eyes to connect with my inner room, rocking back onto my heels, and letting a deep sigh escape out my open mouth, I consciously released the sensations from my body down my grounding cord. Continuing to track my body sensations, I spoke out loud to Shadow, "I'm feeling my body tensing as anxiety comes up, Shadow. My arms and legs are shaking, and my belly is quivering, as they remember another time you went on alert. I'm needing trust and safety right now." Breathing in deeply to anchor myself, rocking back on my heels, and releasing another deep sigh through my mouth, all the while noticing the sensations shifting in my body, I heard Shadow release a deep sigh at the very same time I did, and then he "worked" his mouth. (When a horse begins chewing and licking movements with their mouth, it signals they have released, or integrated something.) My arms and legs shifted to trembling slightly, and my belly felt calm and relaxed. "Wow! This is powerful stuff, Shadow, thank you for tuning in to me! I'm really needing deep resonant connection and would love to experience a neuroception of safety, especially with you." My body became still, except for my knee caps; they felt as if they were trying to run away. They were trembling so hard! It felt so unusual, it struck me as comical! Letting out a deep chuckle, I spoke directly to my knee caps, "Are you guys remembering how you caught me when I fell a few months ago? And needing some acknowledgment just how courageous you have been to support me, especially in the midst of the unexpected?" Shadow snorted and looked into my eyes. In that moment I felt my core soften and open up like a rose within, and my knees stilled. "Oh, thank you, Shadow, you are my forever horse." Moving from trauma to healing is possible through the experiential restructuring of emotional response. These experiences engage the emotional alarm center of the brain, the limbic system, as well as the compassionate witness of the brain, the prefrontal cortex. Bringing in the help of the horse to develop a trusting relationship enables coherent and visceral emotional restructuring and phenomenal healing possibilities. In this way, limbic healing is built on the practical bond of energy and attention between the human and the horse.