Navigating the Flow of Change
How do people change, and how does one navigate the ripples that flow from change itself? Do you welcome change with curiosity and openness in your body, or is it something you'd prefer to avoid all together and your body contracts at the very thought of change? Stepping into new schedules can be quite an adjustment for most, and for many others it can require an enormous step of faith, courage, and inner growth. In September my son, Rylan, begins Junior High and will be participating in classes to open up new opportunities for him; expanding his learning, developing inner confidence, and creating new friendships in community. This last month of summer we are deliberately focusing on preparing for these changes by gradually shifting our schedules, so that everyone experiences as much ease and flow as possible. One of the ways we are preparing is by joining a gym, choosing to meet with a personal trainer, (for Physical Ed) and then actually going to the gym. Waking Rylan up last Wednesday morning, to be at the gym by ten, was not a piece of cake. "Rylan...it's time to wake up!" I spoke in a quiet tone, attempting to wake him gently. Pulling the covers up over his head, I heard a deep groan, "Go away. I'm tired." "C'mon buddy," I coaxed, "remember we planned to go to Oz Fitness today!" "Stop yelling at me, I'm not going!" he said vehemently as he further burrowed into his blankets. "Leave me alone!" Feeling my tummy clench, images of a grumpy Rylan sprang to my mind's eye in living color. I rocked back on my heels and released a deep belly breath to sooth myself. Quickly, I imagined a big beautiful orange flower (his favorite color) opening up to embrace and enfold the grumpy image. I hurled it energetically out of my personal territory and watched it dissipate. Turning to gaze upon the mound in the bed that was my son, I pulled back the covers, saying in a cheerful tone, "Okay, getting up is what we are doing! Sean is going to wonder where you are at! We've got things to be about - time to get a move on!" "Sean's coming?" he asked as he sat up. "Of course he is!" I smiled, "You guys get to work out together, remember?" "Yeah, okay, I'll get ready." Ten minutes later Rylan hollered. "I can't do it! I can't go! Just leave without me!" Coming out of the bathroom with wet hair, he stressed, "I'm trying to get ready and nothing is working for me!" He grabbed his hair and messed it up. Seeing me open my mouth about to speak, he said urgently, "Don't say anything! Just leave! Go! Wait in the car! Now!!!" Feeling my solar plexus and face tighten and tingle, it was as if hot coals were preparing to hit my body with intensity. Breathing in deeply, I shut my eyes slowly and dropped into my body. Sensing the sensations of anger, a tensing of my back, arms and fists, (as if preparing to hit) I acknowledged the underlying impulses of healthy aggression alerting me of the need for protection and to set clear limits around taking action to obtain the things we need. Allowing the sizzling sensations to subside, a moment later I released my breath and took a few deliberate steps back to defuse the energy in my body and in the room. Noticing the time, I felt so torn. On one hand I was worried about being late, and on the other hand I wanted Rylan to have all the space he needed to transition and experience success. In an attempt to reduce his sensory input, I turned my body sideways as I replied, "Rylan, I will be in the car waiting for you, son. The car leaves in five minutes." His eyes widened in fear, and he shouted, "Don't pressure me! Just leave!" Feeling my scalp tingling, I felt my Compassionate Self beckon me, "it's okay, Gloria, it's not about you. Rather than feeling his emotions in this moment, he has become swallowed up by them and needs some spaciousness, and for you to trust and believe he will find himself again." She smiled and gently wrapped her arm about my shoulders, "come on out to the car with me and we will wait together." Settling into the car, I noticed my shoulders droop, as if I was carrying the weight of the world on them, and I noticed how quickly my mind came up with an image of never ever being able to make it to the gym on time - ever. "Thinking," I quietly named my inner experience to myself as I gently returned my attention to my underlying physical sensations. This time I noticed the heaviness had moved to reside in my chest, as a flavor of great sadness emerged into my consciousness. "Sadness." I again acknowledged my inner experience. As the sensation-thought-emotion complex uncoupled, my experience moved toward subtler, freer contours of feelings, and I sank into the beauty of the needs underlying them all; the need for Acceptance, Love, and Compassionate Understanding! Reaching for my phone, I called my husband, trusting he'd understand with loving acceptance. As I was talking, I noticed a movement, and looking up I saw Rylan come walking around the side of the house. Profoundly moved by what I saw, I cried out, "Oh my God, it's Rylan! And he looks completely calm, well-dressed and smiling! I'll call you back later!" Rylan climbed into the car and sat beside me, turning with the smile still in place, and happily said, "Hello, Mother, I'm ready to go!" "Hello, Rylan," I smiled back with relief and joy, "it's so good to see you again!" And we left for the gym. As I look back on this experience, I notice that when I personally focused on noticing my felt-sense, the somatic markers of my emotions and physical sensations, they informed me of my readiness to take action based on my past experiences. This is a very powerful way to stay present in the moment, precisely because it is involuntary; not evoked by my will. Through awareness of these interoceptive sensations, I become able to access and modify my emotional responses and remain open to the possibility that just because I feel a strong emotion, I don't have to act upon it. Instead, I can balance between expression and restraint, sensing within until I touch upon the beauty of the need alive in the moment.